


Anger

by soulioli



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Angst, Ann and Ryuji are bros, Confessions, F/M, TW: Self-deprecation/mentioned self-endangerment, expressing emotion? don't know her, lmao nerds, ryuji's a good boy, spoilers for late november
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:21:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23300812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soulioli/pseuds/soulioli
Summary: [Spoilers for Late November!]#34 - "Who cares? Who cares? I care!"Or: After Ryuji's stunt in Shido's palace, everything seems to be fine....well, if you discount the fact that he's pretty sure he's made his crush angry. And that said crush is scary when she's mad.
Relationships: Okumura Haru/Sakamoto Ryuji
Comments: 4
Kudos: 96





	Anger

For one of the first times in his life, Ryuji Sakamoto dares to describe Shujin as _warm._

It isn’t like the place is “home” (far from it, actually. If he had his way, he’d never come back), but in contrast to the steadily cooling November air, it feels good. 

He isn’t sure if it’s the near-death experience, or maybe it’s just the fact that business is back to usual, but it’s nice. 

The train of thought almost makes him forget what he’s doing in the first place, pausing in the middle of the hallway as he looks at the door to class 2-D. 

_This ain’t my class….oh, right._

He'd almost forgotten. This is Ann’s classroom, who he's currently seeking out. He guesses that it would have been easier to text her, but this is just easier - it means he’ll get an answer. (Or, if he doesn’t, he can at least read Ann’s expression.) 

It’s not that Ryuji expects to get a bad reaction from Ann - she was actually the first to hug him when he’d come back, sobbing in relief and threatening to turn him into ash if he ever made her worry again. 

She wasn’t the problem - actually, no one was. It was just how _she’d_ reacted. Not Makoto, not Futaba, not Ann. Haru. 

It wasn’t that it was _bad_ , it was just the way she looked at him with unparalleled sadness, with nothing other than grief at the thought he was dead. And then she looked….angry. 

It’s true that Haru is the newest addition to their team, but that didn’t mean much of anything to him. In fact, he’d been helping her on the rooftop since she joined, curious to get to know her better (and, at first, how to deal with Morgana.) 

Ryuji sighed. And….if he were being honest, it wasn’t as if he didn’t feel something deeper than friendship for the heiress. Though she was sweet and very caring most of the time, she had a tendency to point out flaws in his thinking. And she was strong, too - which was something he admired. That didn’t even include her passionate nature, which happened to be one of his favorite things about her.

He steps into the classroom, headed straight to Ann’s desk. She looks up as he approaches, seeming a little bummed herself. 

_Ah, prolly cause Akira’s not here…._

“Oh, hey Ryuji. What’s up?” 

“Uh, not much, I was just wondering if you’ve seen Haru? I didn’t talk to her much yesterday n’ she seemed kinda mad, so….” 

Ann’s expression turns thoughtful. “Mad, huh? Well, I haven’t seen her anywhere, but she’s usually up on the rooftop after school.” 

“Cool, I’ll look up there. Thanks,” he nods. Ann grins up at him, nudging him with her elbow. 

“That aside, just Haru, huh? Sounds like you two are close.” She teases. The former track star rubs the back of his head. 

“I - It’s just easier that way! Doesn’t have anything to do with closeness.” He objects, cheeks tinting pink. 

Ann’s grin only stretches her lips further. “Whatever you say!” 

He looks around, trying to think of something, anything to say. Everyone at Shujin blends together, unrecognizable from a farther view. It’s both a blessing and a curse to be friends with students who stand out, but he supposes that if they didn’t stand out, then they wouldn’t be his friends. His eyes skip around some more, finally looking up at the clock on the wall. 

“Aw crap! Class is about to start! Later, Ann!” 

He blasts to class, followed by a cheerful “Later!” from his friend. 

_I guess the rooftop makes sense….I just hope she ain’t that mad…._

* * *

The air is colder on the rooftop when he steps out. Haru’s got her back to him, seemingly unaware that he’s here. 

“Yo.” 

“Oh, Ryuji-kun,” She says pleasantly, not turning around. “How are you doing?” 

“Uh, fine. I just came up to see if you...." he trails off and then sighs. This is stupid. She's clearly mad at him for screwing something up and he shouldn't have come to annoy her. "...nevermind. I shouldn’t bother you.” He shakes his head, turning around to walk out. If she hadn’t messaged him, it should have been clear she wanted nothing to do with him. Haru was sweet - she was probably only tolerating him. 

“No, you’ll stay.” The third-year commanded, still not looking at him. “I want to talk about what happened the other day.” 

Ah, right. That. He should have figured he was going to stay only to get an earful about almost dying. He turns back around and stands still, fists clenching and unclenching in his pockets. “What about it….?” The blonde asks, quiet and unsure of what she’ll say. 

“I’ve just been thinking about it. It’s not like you to normally do something that reckless, Ryuji-kun.” She says, tone both angry and concerned. The realization that she’s concerned melts away as he focuses on the anger, studying her. He doesn’t know if it’s aimed at him or Shido, but he does know that she’s looking down at her plants and definitely not at him. 

And she’s right - while he is reckless, he usually isn’t self-sacrificing. That’s Akira’s job. He wasn’t sure what it was, but when he looked at their leader, and Futaba, and Makoto, and finally at _her_ , he saw promise. A future. Bonds.

He didn’t see that for himself. 

“I did what I had to do. ‘S not like I’m anything special. Who cares if I’m gone, y’know?” He says quietly, looking away from her and at his shoe. It scuffs on the concrete of the rooftop, adding just another bruise to the battered shoes. 

“You….” Her voice is still angry, but it’s quiet now, dipping in that way Noir’s does when she explodes. He looks up and braces himself for it as she rises and draws closer, looking up at him, finally, _finally_ showing her face to him. She looks conflicted. And yet she's one step away from _something_ , though he has no idea what. “Don’t say things like that. It’s - we -” 

Ryuji’s mouth sets in a hard line, looking down. They’re close, too close, and he tries to step away, to create space. It’s easier if he makes space between them. “You don’t have to excuse it. Like I said, who cares?” 

For a moment, a brief moment, Haru just looks at him, fists clenched and eyes dark. And then he can't focus on how she looks at him because she's yelling.

"Who cares? _Who cares? I_ care!" Haru's volume increases as she explodes, voice high and pained and unlike anything he's heard from her before. He looks down at her, watching as she closes the distance with quick, angry steps. 

Her finger is jabbing into his sternum now, eyes wet with unshed tears that he somehow knows are just begging to be released. Guilt rolls through him in waves. He'd meant what he said....he just didn't think she'd really care. 

"We all care! All of us! You're - you're not stupid, Ryuji, you're far from it, and Mona-chan may pick on you, you may have fought and gone through a rough time, but you mean a lot to us! To me!" She's tripping, stumbling over her own words as the tears come wet and _fast_ , and suddenly he's unsure what she'll say next because he's never seen her quite like _this_. Angry, yes, bitter, yes, but never quite so explosive. "And I don't-" she takes a deep breath in. "I don't sit up at night, wondering what to do about you, just for you to d-die." 

"And really, I don't know what to do with you - I haven't known what my purpose is since I lost Father, and I thought - I thought you were gone." Her voice is quiet, regretful as if she realizes that she’s saying something she’s not supposed to. "And I don't think I could handle that."

The air rushes from his lungs. She’s so close, _so_ close. Close enough that he can smell the floral scent of her perfume mixed with more earthy notes from her work in the garden. Enough that he notices her shaking, wonders what it would feel like to reach out and- “Haru, I -” His hands fall out of his pockets, hovering before dangling limply.

She wipes her tears and lowers her eyes. “I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled like that. It’s been a long day.” 

“Haru….” 

The third-year held up a hand. “We should go home.” 

“No.” The word comes out before he can stop it, tumbling from his lips clumsily. “Not yet.” 

She looks up at him again and it’s then that he sees that the tears she wiped away have been replaced with fresh ones. 

“I didn’t mean to worry ya,” he says, rubbing at the back of his head with a tired sigh. “I just - shit. I don’t know. I don’t know if I have a future.” 

“Of _course_ you do,” she says, gathering his hands from his sides and clasping them in her own suddenly. “You’re going to do wonderful things, Ryuji.” 

His eyes widen, looking back up to her. It’s the first time he’s heard his name come from her mouth without an honorific. It makes him pause, fuels a little part of his heart that’s falling over dead like some obsessed fangirl. He shakes his head.

“Well, even if I wanted to, I’ll never get in to college on a letter or anythin’ because of Kamoshida, and-” 

Something in him jumps when she touches his face, unusually bold but serious, looking him dead in the eye. “You’re going to do wonderful things,” she repeats. “Kamoshida doesn’t matter. And I - I want to be apart of a future where you do wonderful things.” 

His heart seems to expand, dropping to his stomach with a loud crash that startles some butterflies. They stand in silence for a moment before she realizes what she said and withdraws her hands, flushing just as deeply as he had. 

“Um, what I meant to say was - I - oh, this wasn’t how this was supposed to go….” She says meekly, hiding her hands in her face. “I was supposed to be helping you, and yet I brought my silly feelings into this, and -” 

She’s nervous and it’s adorable - so adorable that when he reaches out for her he doesn’t hesitate, drawing her back to him with a slightly shaking hand. “I don’t mind.” 

She glances up at him, surprised. “Oh, but we can’t - I mean, it would be hard to stand by me, and….” Haru’s cheeks are deepening in color by the second, and she’s flustered, so flustered that he just wants to stand here and examine her forever. 

“You for real?” He says, brow furrowed. “I’m the delinquent here. I’d just stain your reputation.” 

Haru’s eyes flicker up to him, but then she’s shaking her head. “That doesn’t matter to me.” 

“Then I don’t think that other stuff matters to me.” He grins, face hot. Ryuji watches as her eyes grow wide and she smiles, bursting into a flurry of giggles. 

“This is a bit silly, isn’t it?” 

Suddenly he’s laughing, too, and they’re nose to nose as they enjoy the moment. “Yeah, I guess it is, huh?” 

When he finally stops laughing, he realizes how beautiful she is, up close. Even though they aren’t bright blue or violet, her eyes are warm and caring, melting his insides into pools of jelly. Her eyelashes are long, and her lips are inviting, making him wonder what they’d feel like slotted against his own. 

It takes him a moment to realize that she’s not laughing anymore either, and is staring at him with some sort of wonder - as if she couldn’t believe this was real, as if _she_ were the one who had been dreaming of this for months, not him.

“If you don’t want to be in a future where I don’t do some cool things, then I don’t want to be in a future where you aren’t with me. Deal?” 

He holds out his pinky, almost regretting it when it causes Haru to lean back a little bit to look at his hand. She stares at the pinky for a minute before delicately closing her fingers into a fist while leaving her pinky outstretched. She hooks it with his own and giggles, a blush on her cheeks. 

It’s absurd and childish, but it feels like a secret, just between the two of them. Just like a pact between thieves, even though he knows that it’s so, _so_ much more. 

“Deal.” 

They both stand there, grinning at each other with equal elation. Haru’s the first to break the pinky swear, instead wrapping her arms around him in a hug, face buried into his neck and he's suddenly feeling the smile she's wearing more than seeing it. 

As his arms settle around her, he lowers himself to breathe in the equally flowery scents of perfume and shampoo. She’s delicate and soft in his arms, but not something he needs to protect. Someone to have, to hold, but not to baby. He likes that. 

And, as she squeezes him, he realizes that this isn’t what he had in mind - it isn’t the big confession, the asking to be exclusive. 

It’s emotional, but it’s perfect. 

He squeezes her back and realizes that he wouldn’t have wanted it to happen any other way.

**Author's Note:**

> woah, two new pieces of writing in a week? Crazy, I know. 
> 
> I've had this rolling around in my head for a while, but while I was gathering up my notes for Memories From Inaba, I found this interaction I wrote and inspiration just struck. It comes and goes. Anyway, I hope you like this! I wanted to explore Ryuji's view of himself along with their dynamic and I think it came out really well! 
> 
> The present tense is also something new - I usually try to write in the past tense because it's definitely what I'm good at, but the present is more snappy and allows me to try different approaches to my writing, so this baby was born. 
> 
> The prompt was taken from this list! (https://veronicabunchwrites.tumblr.com/post/182665053565/100-dialogue-writing-prompts-make-this-into-a). If you've got a request for another one involving these two, let me know and I'll see what I can do! :) 
> 
> Thank you for reading! As always, kudos, comments, and anything else you can do to show support are greatly appreciated!


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